she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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