u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
