It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas