Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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