My hand turned me down
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?