Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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