I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
