I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
