Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
