Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
