Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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