my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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