I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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