Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
