No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
