I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
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I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
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Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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