the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
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Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
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I think I accidentally invented a religion.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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