He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
