I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
