I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
