once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
