i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just pee around me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
