its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We have so much sex to catch up on
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
