You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am one with the molecules
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
