I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
