Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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