Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
