Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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