You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
