Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
