White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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