I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Every concussion has its silver lining
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You ruined the universe
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
