Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
