I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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