oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
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Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
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So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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