We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
