Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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