yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it's like iHOP with fire
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
