No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
