after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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