Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize