So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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