Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
