Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
