i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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