im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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