Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
