Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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