She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
dude. I can hear the air.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
