So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
