He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
