Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
