so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
