apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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