Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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