Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
