sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She's the barista slut.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
