I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
