I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
