We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
